I will share with you a series on what it is like to be depressed. My first entry is about the symptom of poor focus.
In the initial session with my therapist, she asked me,” How is your focus?”
“Okay.” I replied. Yet, she wrote atrocious in my record. (I know this because I had to change therapists and the new one read that to me from my file. I don’t think she realized that I had said fine when I was asked the question.) I had an odd look on my face when I heard that but I knew why she had wrote that. Why?
When she asked me, “Where do you work?” I responded by babbling about being fired from a job in the past. This event took place around five years before this first session. So, I have no idea why that was my response. I can’t even figure out why I was thinking about it. She asked me a second time and I kept on talking about getting fired. I wanted to answer her but I just seemed to be caught in a thinking loop or something. I have since then drawn a picture of a cliff with me on one side and my therapist on the other. This is how I imagine some of our sessions because of my inability at the time to really connect with her. Poor focus is one of the reasons for this gulf of disconnection.
What other ways did my poor focus affect me? Reading. When I saw a psychiatrist for the first time, he asked me if I had been reading much. I love to read, by the way. I said that I hadn’t had time lately. Oddly, the first thing that I noticed when I started taking anti-depressants, I caught myself reading a lot. I then realized that my lack of focus had kept me from reading not lack of time.
Please share your struggles with lack of focus in the comments. Maybe, we can use this as a way to share with our friends and family a little about what we struggle with.